Counselors and therapists often get requests for reading recommendations because many clients are eager for extra work outside the session. Personally, I think it is imperative for counselors to read the books they recommend. The self-help industry puts out a lot of junk, and there is an alarming lack of guardrails around the quality of the content.
“Let Them” by Mel Robbins, has recently shot to the forefront of the self-help scene, quickly reaching #1 on the New York Times Bestseller list. Mel Robbins has built her career on offering motivational advice that is simple to understand and offers clear, actionable steps. Some readers feel she has a knack for distilling complex concepts into digestible, no-nonsense tools, and in “Let Them” she takes this same approach to relationships. However, as empowering as some of her advice may be, her “Let Them” theory often oversimplifies the intricacies of human connection, and at times, misses the emotional depth and empathy many readers might need when navigating the rocky terrain of love, boundaries, and self-worth.
Oversimplification of Relationship Dynamics
While Robbin’s step-by-step advice on setting boundaries or avoiding self-sabotage can be helpful in certain situations, it often glosses over the nuanced emotional work needed in real relationships. Human interactions are rarely as linear as Robbins suggests. Relationships, especially those with significant emotional investment, are messy, multi-dimensional, and influenced by countless external factors. In her attempts to simplify this complexity, Robbins misses an opportunity to explore the emotional depth and growth that often comes from struggling through these messy moments.
For instance, Robbins encourages readers to stop overthinking and let go of the “what-ifs” in relationships. While this advice may work for some, it may feel dismissive to those facing deep emotional turmoil or uncertainty. Relationships don’t fit neatly into a one-size-fits-all mold, and real emotional work doesn’t happen just by “letting go.”
A Bit Lacking in Empathy
Related to this oversimplification is a noticeable lack of empathy in certain sections of the book. Robbins has an authoritative tone, one that is often more prescriptive than it is compassionate. For someone who is already struggling with relationship issues, a tone that lacks emotional nuance or an understanding of the full scope of pain can feel harsh or even judgmental.
While Robbins encourages personal responsibility and self-empowerment, which are essential for growth, she doesn’t always seem to recognize the emotional labor that many people invest in relationships – labor that can sometimes leave them feeling depleted and confused about how to move forward. For readers who need support and understanding, this absence of empathy could feel like a barrier rather than a bridge.
Furthermore, Robbins’ writing sometimes veers into “bootstrapping” territory—a philosophy that suggests we should be able to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps and solve our problems with sheer willpower. While personal accountability is important, relationships cannot typically be fixed by individual effort alone. Many clients face relational difficulties that stem from complex issues like childhood trauma, mental health struggles, or ingrained patterns of behavior. They may be healing from trauma like abuse, neglect, or other deeply hurtful experiences, or they may have negative core beliefs about themselves. Some clients may not even know what love looks like in a healthy relationship,
For these types of clients, Robbins’ straightforward advice on boundary-setting and emotional regulation is simply not enough to address the underlying issues at play and can feel too abstract or simplistic. It’s not always clear how to apply her strategies when one’s foundational beliefs about self-worth or trust have been shattered. “Let Them” doesn’t delve deeply into the emotional work that such individuals may need to do to build trust, self-love, and healthy relationship patterns. The book may unintentionally perpetuate the idea that simply “letting them”—whoever “they” are—will automatically lead to better relationship outcomes. In this way, it fails to acknowledge that sometimes, people need therapeutic intervention, community support, or simply more time to heal.
Missing the “We” in Relationships
A critical element that’s often missing from “Let Them” is a true focus on the interdependence of relationships—the “we” that exists when two people work together to build something meaningful. Robbins focuses a lot on the “you” in relationships, urging readers to take responsibility for their actions and boundaries, but she doesn’t always explore how two individuals can come together, support each other, and co-create a healthy relationship. Her emphasis is often on individual empowerment rather than mutual growth, and this can leave readers feeling as though they are solely responsible for making things work. Relationships are a dance of two or more people, each contributing their own experiences, emotions, and needs. The absence of this relational “we” makes the book feel somewhat one-dimensional, particularly for those in committed partnerships, where both partners’ emotional health is essential to the relationship’s success.
Final Thoughts
“Let Them” offers valuable advice for some, particularly those looking for a straightforward guide to navigating relationships with more confidence and clarity. However, it is important to approach this book with caution if you are dealing with deeper emotional issues, trauma, or a lack of understanding about healthy relationships. Robbins’ focus on individual empowerment and emotional regulation can be helpful, but it risks oversimplifying the complexities of human connections and may not be sufficient for those needing more nuanced or empathetic support. For those already well-versed in therapeutic concepts, this book may feel like a light, motivational read, but for others, it may fall short in providing the depth and care that more complicated relationship dynamics truly require.
If you are looking for help with relationships, or if you just want to understand yourself better, contact Greenway Therapy at 800-353-6402 and schedule an appointment with one of our counselors.
Denise Fattic is a Provisionally Licensed Professional Counselor at Greenway Therapy . Learn more about her on her BIO page.
