Alone With Grief

In Shakespeare’s famous Hamlet, one line about grief has always been meaningful to me. When Hamlet loses his father and is overcome with grief, those around him attempt to console him with the reassurance that death is “common”— it is simply a part of life. But for Hamlet, losing his father cannot be described as common; to him, it is particular. No matter how common death is, it is always a uniquely painful and unnaturally personal experience.

When we lose a loved one, it is as though the world stands still. Others around us continue on with life, going to jobs and attending to errands, but for us the clock remains frozen. How do you continue on after such devastation? How do you begin to pick up the pieces and rebuild your life anew? As time continues to pass, some of us remain drowning in a sea of grief, feeling more and more alone as others seem to move on.

Any death or loss is difficult to bear, but sometimes circumstance can add layers of complexity to the pain. When losing a loved one in an unexpected or sudden way, including an accident, homicide or suicide, or overdose, there may be added feelings of confusion, guilt, shame, or despair. After all, this is never how we want or envision the passing of somebody who we care about. It can feel especially isolating to cope with the loss of a loved one while navigating such confusing and tragic circumstances.

It is important to remember that no one’s grief journey is the same. There is no timeline for healing and every person copes with grief in different ways. While some may find talking and sharing memories helpful, others may find that they cope the best while immersing themselves in work and hobbies. Many people find that pain does not lessen steadily over time, but rather, comes in waves throughout the years.

If you need support swimming through these waves of grief, a therapist who specializes in grief & loss may be a wonderful partner on your journey. And remember, there are many types of losses in life and not all of them involve death. All losses can feel painful and evoke real feelings of grief. A therapist will be able to help you navigate the pain of loss together and support you as you find the tools for healing.