Managing Holiday Stress

The holidays, while wonderful for some, bring a lot more stress and pain than joy for many. There is a never ending list of reasons why: excessive spending, busier schedules, reminders of grief, and overall blues from Seasonal Affective Disorder. There is no sure way to make the holiday season perfect, or tolerable even, but it is still a worthwhile effort. One way to improve how you’re feeling about this season is to decide, either for yourself or with your partner, your boundaries and limits regarding what you are comfortable with. I recommend creating a few lists about how you feel about the season, starting with what you love. This, of course, differs for each individual, so take my recommendations as a jumping off point. Maybe you enjoy seeing friends at holiday parties, driving around to see the lights, or something as simple as spending more time indoors with your favorite hobbies. Creating space in life to prioritize what we enjoy can make some of the more frustrating things not feel as big. Next, a list of things that you are willing to participate in, but maybe aren’t your favorite. Think of this as obligations or family rituals. It may be really important to your grandmother that the family get together for a meal or a religious service. If this doesn’t upset you or cause you stress, it may be worth it to go for a while to see the smile on her face; or find a compromise where you both get what you want. The last will be things that you dread and cause you stress. Frequent things I hear regarding this would be excessive spending on gifts, spending the holidays in the car driving from party to party, or pushing yourself to spend time with people you don’t really care for to keep the peace. Once you’ve created your lists you can go through and decide how you would like to proceed. You may need to compromise or set some uncomfortable boundaries. I’ve listed a few examples on how to start these conversations:

“I know that you would really like to see us on Christmas day, but we already have an obligation to (partner’s name) family and spending the day in the car makes it hard for us to enjoy the holiday. Maybe we can see you on Christmas Eve or the day after and really get to enjoy the time together”

“I recognize that you would like me to attend mass with you, but I am no longer religious and being in that environment makes me uncomfortable. I would rather spend time with you somewhere we both feel comfortable”.

“Thank you so much for inviting me to your holiday party, but I am at my socialization max for this month. I would love to plan something for us to do in the new year!”

“This year I would like to be more conscious of how I am spending, but I still want you to know how special you are to me. Rather than giving gifts, could we pick an activity to do together, or create some hand made things to exchange?”

This list is by no means exhaustive, but I hope it helps you get started. Setting boundaries with loved ones can be very uncomfortable and difficult to navigate. If you are feeling down and having a hard time during this season, remember that you are not alone, and are deserving of support.