In parts one through five, we learned that self-worth is a critical human resource we often confuse with what is known as “conditional acceptance.” This provisional approval requires us to earn our worthiness moment by moment, day by day. It is a fragile state of acceptance that presumes we are unacceptable because we are innately less than. This sense of being “less than” emanates from the wholeness within us that lies still undiscovered. Like living in only one-third of the actual square footage of our home, we are aware of a greater expansiveness, and this awareness amplifies the sense that we are settling for so much less. “Inherent worth,” however, means we are worthy from the beginning because we are here. Self-worth is a birthright woven into our existence.
We also learned that chasing self-improvement illusions seems to be more important to us than owning the worth that is ours through the process of self-discovery. It can often appear as though we love our illusions more than we love our worth. These illusions surround our tendency to prefer the pursuit of control and dominion. We learned self-discovery presupposes that instead of building something toward a state of completion, we are trying to uncover something that has always been complete. We also discovered we tend to believe authority figures outside of us, believing they are more qualified to see the truth about our identity and our worth. We are trained, it seems, to hang on every word coming from these supposed experts, but, alas, it turns out that these appointed authors are woefully unqualified. In truth we find that these authority figures do not have the position nor the vision to see the truth about the worth and purpose of our inner being.
We learned the core belief system is a major contributing factor to the struggle for self-worth. These beliefs create the “less than” or conditional acceptance illusions that distract us from the truth that our worthiness exists within us. As a result, we learn to view our souls from the lens of scarcity rather than abundance. Our training in external locus of control then facilitates our devotion to these identity and worth illusions. This fostered dependence on validation from external authority figures then leads us to all roads compensatory.
We learned we strive to override our baseline worth estimates that exist within our core belief system. We try to achieve this by employing what are called compensatory archetypes. These archetypal characters are used to help us compensate for soul value estimates that define us as less than or estimates that lead us to feel we must maintain a standard to be worthy. We tend to use these archetypes to help us earn our worthiness or replace it with merit or performance-based achievements.
Finally, we learned compensatory archetypes are not effective at helping us to improve on our worth because they are based in illusion. The illusion is seen in these characters as their compensatory expectations are both unattainable and unsustainable. We do, however, tend to hold onto these compensatory characters as they directly facilitate the illusion that we are in control of our worthiness. It seems that we would rather achieve dominion over worthiness than discover the nature of our worthiness. This suggests that we would rather manipulate our worth than appreciate our worth.
Why is conditional acceptance unable to facilitate thriving?
There are times when we feel so frustrated in our journey. So much striving, we sometimes think, and so little to show for it. All we seem to get is that small amount of conditional acceptance, coin each night, and lately even that semblance of worth seems to be woefully unreliable. It seems that no matter how hard we try, our conditional worthiness rates hold us in a place where we are just surviving. We may have at times stumbled into the borderlands of thriving, but crossing into that territory seems to be as evasive as obtaining the proverbial brass ring. This frustration is a little silly, however, when we understand that conditional acceptance feeds a survival cycle that feels like a carousel – the motion and movement simulate forward progress which feeds the illusion that our worth is increasing and that compensatory striving is worth the effort. We feel as if we are moving forward, but we are going nowhere.
Are there other strategies that we use to increase our self-worth?
In addition to compensatory striving, we often employ another scheme to help us increase our sense of worth. Unfortunately, this tactic is also based in illusion. The name of this tactic is reductionism. If we sense that our worth is holding at a certain measure, then we might engage in diminishing the value of others. The act of devaluing others provides the illusion that your worth is greater than the worth of these others. The problem with reductionism is that our worth quotient does not actually increase when we work to reduce the worth of others. The quotient stays the same because you have not discovered anything more about your inner being or character. The absence of self-discovery leads to maintaining the same measure of soul wholeness that we were at the day before, which is to say there was no true character growth to add to your current self-worth measure.
How does reductionism work?
The act of reducing the worth of others is nothing new. Diminishing the human soul has been around since the beginning of our existence. The art and science of reductionism was developed on the platform known as external locus of control. This means that reductionism operates on the premise that our worth is determined by external authorities that have somehow been appointed as qualified experts on our identity and worth measures and definitions.
The process itself goes something like this:
Let’s say we have determined our individual worth quotient to be estimated at 100-units of worth. While attending a conference we sense that the worth assessments of the other souls in the room seem to be closer to 1000-units of worth. Employing reductionism, we begin to belittle and diminish the other souls in the room, being careful to note that our insults must be strong enough to bring their worth quotients down to at least 99-units. It is in this way that we pass out value judgements and hand out revised worth appraisals to these other souls.
We may begin to feel somewhat better about ourselves as we successfully reduce these others. Should these others buy into our subtractions with conviction we may see the hurt in their eyes or maybe even some signs of shame in their posture. These droplets of discomfort and hurt form an elixir that once consumed provides the illusion of dominance and superiority. Over time, this supremacy of one who is feared as an authority on the worthiness of the soul may even become preferred to the experience of genuine soul growth and authentic worth discovery. It seems reductionism skill sets are now applauded rather than booed, and sometimes diminishing another’s soul may even be celebrated. It is in this way that reductionism accompanies compensatory striving as the primary tactics that are employed to help us secure a more palatable worth.
How does self-discovery lead us to self-worth security?
While self-improvement mantras like “I am going to be my best self,” “You can always do better,” and “I must be number one,” hold a certain importance in the world of performance and achievement, they are less valid when it comes to self-worth. Words like “best,” “better,” and “number one” are dominion words. Self-discovery is different from self-improvement because it is not striving for a finish line where our life will attain a higher quality. Self-discovery is the unveiling of a creation that reveals a hidden, life altering meaning. Each fraction of the artifact unearthed at the archeological dig indicates a mystery of intelligent intention. Each day the newly unveiled fraction at the site completely changes the explorer’s answer to the question what exactly is it that we have here? This meaning gives us more knowledge of a whole, a whole that consistently surprises us with an understanding that we had only been seeing through a glass darkly.
Self-discovery is the act of going after the wholeness of our being with deliberate intent. It is both the richness of the discovered meaning and the value of the journey to reach the treasure of understanding that gives us a worth which cannot be taken away. Each piece of our soul we uncover leads our whole self to give back to us a jewel of you. As the jewels accumulate our worthiness grows. As we grow closer to our inner being we become increasingly secure in the knowledge that the value of our mysteries cannot be diminished nor measured with dominion logic. Where self-improvement is the process of getting better at something, self-discovery is the process of getting closer to someone, and that someone is YOU.
How does self-discovery facilitate thriving?
The nature of thriving is found in the discovery of and conscious connection with our whole being. Self-growth is the realization that I am more whole today than I was yesterday. I am more whole not only because I have more of me but also because I understand more clearly the meaning of me. Additional worth is found in the closeness that we form with our inner being as we do this discovery work. This is how the process of thriving pulls us up to a stratosphere that exists levels above surviving. This thriving can be keenly felt throughout our daily survival tasking. We will sense that while pursuing safety, security, and comfort we can sense this larger existence within us. This larger existence that pursues purpose, meaning, and worth is more commonly known as our essence. The discovery of our essence adds enormous measures of quality to our life and gives us passage to higher states of consciousness that are remarkably transformational.
This is not the end; it is the beginning.
Larry Marshall is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Greenway Therapy . Learn more about him on his BIO page.
