The Science of Anxiety Disorders Part 4

How does our relationship with Expectations contribute to disordered anxiety?

The feeling that we commonly know as frustration occurs when we are blocked from our goal to satisfy a need or a want. The idea is that frustration was designed to help motivate us to solve the barrier problem and find a way to get what it is we required. The bio-chemistry of frustration is adrenalin generated from sympathetic nervous system. The psychology of frustration surrounds the experience of gratification or reward. If we get what we want when and how we want it the majority of the time we will experience little to no frustration. If we have little to no experience with frustration then we will have very poor frustration tolerance skill sets the most common of which is called delaying immediate gratification. Over time we develop expectations regarding our anticipation of immediate gratification. We then project these expectations upon the external universe actually expecting the real world of persons, places and things to cooperate with our expectations. This projecting of individual perceptions on how one needs things to be in the real world in order to maintain one’s internal equilibrium or balance causes a dependence to form on the external world. This dependence expects the external universe to cooperate with those expectations and the individual becomes frustrated and outraged when these anticipated outcomes do not work out. This process generates enormous quantities of adrenalin in the bloodstream as unrealistic expectations require constant maintenance. Each incident of frustration triggered by a failed expectation (otherwise known as disappointment) doubles down on the adrenalin production. This is due not only to the failure of the expectation to do the work of producing the anticipated gratification but also to the added burden of having to delay gratification plus do the extra work necessary to achieve the originally anticipated gratification measure.

How does our relationship with stressors impact our anxiety levels?

The way that we relate to stressors or the demands of daily living is posing the question how do you view those people, places, and things that are demanding energy from us? If our view of these stressors that all want something from us is that they are unwanted, inconvenient, and intrusive then we will tend to have a relationship of conflict with stressors. If we expect that we should not have to deal with stressors and they should not be a part of our life then we will vilify stressors viewing them as if they conspire to make our lives miserable. If we believe that the plate of life must remain clean and empty and when items appear on the plate they must urgently be removed as soon as possible, then we will disregard stressors viewing them as not worthy of our time and attention. When we create conflict with stress greeting stressors with worry, doubt, and fear we place additional stress on ourselves. We pressure ourselves to have no stressors. Thus, it seems that the way that we define our relationship with stress may place unrealistic demands on the natural order of stressor demands. These views of stressors through conflict lenses generate more than twice the measure of adrenalin and serve to increase anxiety levels throughout the day.

Should we change our relationship with stressors viewing them as a natural rule rather than an inconvenient exception then we would effectively lower our anxiety levels. If we viewed each stressor as a learning opportunity, or as teachers delivering both important and routine instruction then stressors could hold some meaning other than being a barrier to our next gratification pursuit.

How does our relationship with worry-doubt-fear contribute to disordered anxiety?

We might clarify the notion of our relationship with worry-doubt-fear by imagining that these 3- emotions are real characters. We might even be able to imagine that we hang out and converse with these companions. Meeting up most every day or at least a few times per week having a rendezvous at the local eatery or maybe the coffee shop where we chat while sipping lattes. How we might wonder would our companions describe our relationship with them? How might they characterize the way that we treat and respond to them? Would they describe us as dependent, and avoidant or might they suggest that we are too bossy and catastrophizing? Whichever the case the one thing we do know is that their relationship description turns out to play a major role with determining the level of our anxiety.

WORRY

The origin of the term Worry Wart comes from a comic strip that ran from the 1920’s all the way up to 1970. The saying refers to someone who approaches worry with pessimism and relates to worry as if it were a messenger of doom. Individuals who approach Worry in this way cast worry into the role of prophet delivering news about fates that surround worst case scenarios. Pessimistic individuals yielding to the common principles of what is affectionately called Murphy’s law attempt to out-prophet worry by getting the prophet before it gets you. This, expect the worst approach to worry, slightly reduces the adrenalin levels that come with worry but only does so for a price as the codes and standards of pessimism must be adhered to even in the best of times.

Some may view Worry as an alarm system, the watch man with the warning of iceberg dead ahead. Those who feel overwhelmed by worry may begin to fear worry casting it into the role of Judge Dread. This approach to worry will increase adrenalin levels and lead individuals to either avoid or obey the voice of fret surrounding the looming shadow of trouble on the horizon. However, whether practicing compliance or avoidance worry as a warning tends to lead us into the borderlands of panic.

Others view Worry as a Job Boss, the trusted advisor who keeps them on top of their game, the secret weapon that gives them an edge. These folks actually employ Worry, truly preferring the focus of fret over the carefree of frolic, they contract Worry to help them bring their A – game as they serve the overlords of perfectionism, righteousness, working, and suffering. Worry especially helps these individuals in the area of providing the biochemical energy to meet exaggerated workloads and superwoman/man caregiving demands. This is true due to the fact that worry all by itself produces adrenalin in the blood stream. At 10-units of adrenalin per worry and 50-worries per day the Job Boss will supply up to 500-units of energy to make a normal human into a superhuman. Ironically in this particular relationship with worry individuals are attempting to control worry in an effort to meet the demands of a perfectionism that is designed to control a sense of unworthiness more commonly known as conditional acceptance. This means that they are using worry to provide the fuel needed to jump through the hoops required to feel some semblance of self-acceptance.

Still others view Worry as a child who needs to be regulated and reassured. These individuals see the truth about worry. They see that worry is afraid of not receiving the outcomes that it wants and of receiving the outcomes that it does not want. They see that Worry is a child who believes that the world will be fair if you work hard enough and do the right thing, a world that abides by the terms of merit and getting what one deserves. They see a child who believes that one day the child will reach out and at last grab the brass ring. They see the child who depends on others to do what the child has not yet learned how to do itself. They see the truth that the mother of worry is Control making Worry a child who knows only the laws of illusion. They see that Worry is a child whose voice fades into silence in the presence of the truth, the truth that illusion cannot tell us who we are.

Regulating the child means saying no to worry. It means teaching the child; the ways and means of self-reliance, the mantras of you’ve got this, I’ve got your back, and you are good enough. It means showing the child, the secrets of Serenity and how to let go of controlling outcomes. It means enlightening the child on how to embrace the truth of one’s existence, and how to be present in the now. It means believing that you are enough and believing that your own authenticity can handle any outcome that comes your way. It means believing in that authenticity with such ferocity that illusions are unable to hold their shape in the presence of this original, this divine intention of you. It means grasping the notion that when illusions look upon the face of the authentic self, they will shatter, evaporating as if they never existed at all.

DOUBT

Doubt and Worry are cousins, children born from twin sisters. Where the mother of Worry is Control the Mother of Doubt is Failure. Our relationship with doubt is primarily determined during those early years of our identity development when we explore our ability to govern and master our own body. As we pass through this developmental stage that Erik Erikson calls Autonomy vs Shame and Doubt we test our ability to effect the world around us by achieving goals and successfully accomplishing tasks. We discover our bodies and experience success with governing our physical being reveling in our ability to do things for ourselves. If however we are unable to succeed in this stage, and we meet with continuous failure we develop deep feelings of shame and self-doubt. In the event that we have more losses than wins with our ability to do things on our own Self-Doubt becomes a dominant resident in the throne room of our minds.

The design of Doubt in and of itself is benign. Doubt is not so much a character flaw or a thing that is good or bad or right or wrong as it is more a character that was designed to serve balance. Self-confidence is the yin to the yang of self-doubt. If we have no self-doubt to help regulate our self-confidence we run the risk of becoming arrogant. However, just like self-confidence needs regulation so does self-doubt. If we allow Doubt to become too dominant then we invite helplessness and inadequacy to define us. In the event that Doubt becomes overwhelming and inadequacy becomes the rule of the day we eventually may experience five alarm fire anxiety levels at even the smallest of stressors. We may try to cope by withdrawing and shielding ourselves from stress but this will tend to lead us to a life in isolation. If we court the mantras of I can’t and I’m a failure viewing Doubt as an all-knowing prophet then we will live our lives in a place where the normal stress of life is a threat. There in that place we will be about the business of learning the ways of high anxiety while the walls in our prison of fear close in around us.

Additional influences that contribute to the dominance of Doubt also include neglect and abuse. When children’s self-esteem surrounding skill mastery is not encouraged or nurtured those children may become dependent on others to do things for them. This pattern of reliance on others crystallizes within the child a sense of inadequacy. When children in their pursuit of self-esteem surrounding skill mastery are ridiculed as being not good enough, shamed as one who is unworthy, judged as a failure, and/or criticized as less than, self-doubt gains a foothold. This form of mental and emotional abuse plants the seed of Doubt deep within the psyche of children. In response to the growing dominance of Doubt some children may give up and succumb to the identity definition of inadequacy. Other children fight back by adopting the super-human standards of perfectionism. Whether children relate to doubt as a Dark King or a Nemesis Doubt’s persistent presence will generate higher than average measures of adrenalin in the blood stream. As these distorted levels are normalized healthy anxiety transforms into disordered anxiety.

Thinking systems that cater to doubt tend to share a common element, something called external locus of control. This term surrounds our tendency to locate control over our identity and worth definitions to sources outside of ourselves. It is not surprising that we would think this way given that we are naturally dependent on others for identity and worth information as we develop. Certainly, we can see that we have little choice but to rely on authority figures to give us information about ourselves in those early years. Overtime however it is easy to become convinced that those experts that we have contracted for this role are more able to define us than we can define ourselves. There is a helplessness that comes with feeling that what someone else says or thinks about us is more correct, somehow carrying more weight even when we know that it is not true. It feels as if there is a force in the universe that is against us, an invisible force that keeps us down, leaving us with a persistent sense of powerlessness. It is as if they know something about us, something that we don’t know, some secret bit of information that concretely confirms our inferiority as a foregone conclusion. How can they be so sure, and who are they? The answer to the they question is they are everyone, everyone whom we believe in as an authority on our identity and worth definitions. What is the invisible force? The force is our power to believe. When we give that power, that definition responsibility to another we become powerless. Take the responsibility of defining yourself back, Relocate the power from external to internal. Practice internal locus of control rather than external locus of control. Clarify that you are the only expert on you. There is no greater expert, not even your parents. Parents see what their thinking systems tell them to, just like everyone else they view the world through thinking system lenses. Even on their best day they cannot tell you who you are because they do not have the access to the internal code surrounding your authenticity. You are the only one who has access to that code. It’s okay to not be sure about who you are. One might even consider the possibility that being unsure is better than holding onto definitions that are false. After all a degree of doubt goes with the territory of being travelers like we all are, travelers who at this place are as far from home as we ever shall be. One thing that we can be certain of is that external locus of control facilitates doubt, doubt facilitates worry, and worry generates distorted adrenalin levels that increase anxiety.

We should say a word about doubt and Shadow Children. Shadow Children are the Neal ones who grow up under the influence of the crowning achievements another, usually a parent or sibling. Frequently the other who is casting the shadow is gifted or has stood out in some way as to pull the very positive or very negative attention of others. Whether famous, or infamous, whether standing out in big or little circles the identity of the individual casting the shadow over the Shadow Child will be a force to be reckoned with. Walking as they do beside that ever-present measuring rod, it would not be surprising to find that shadow children find doubt to be a familiar companion. How they might wonder will I ever measure up to that standard, or that level of achievement or performance? Who am I if I am not so and so’s son, brother, or sister or so on… The prophecy of inferiority and failure often looms large for the shadow child. Learning the secrets of internal locus of control offer shadow children not so much a way out but a way through, a way through the valley of the shadow. This means that rather than trying to prove what they might be by doing the work of measuring up shadow children might choose to discover what they have always been by going on a quest to find the truth about their original being. Looking within oneself is about focus and the exercise of deliberately believing that the identity and worth answers are within you awaiting your discovery. In the end it may well be true that as the ones who cast the shadow define themselves by their gifts and achievements the shadow children become the first to discover their own authenticity.

There are those who may contract Doubt as a saboteur. Using doubt in the process of self-sabotage surrounds identity development and the psychological laws of identity. This means that when we subscribe to an identity definition we must adhere to its rules and by-laws. If you define yourself as a dark knight then you must fight even when you don’t really want to. If you define yourself by righteousness then you must always be right even when you know you are wrong. If you define yourself as a failure, a loser who is inadequate and inferior then you must not succeed even when you discover that you are capable of success. In the event of closing in on a true win, you allow self-doubt into the game. You look at the possibility of the win but then just steps away from crossing the finish line you look at your opponent and that look costs you the race. When we give doubt this much power to define our identity we are using doubt as a tool to help us keep our universe small. Doubt facilitates our avoidance of challenges, deflecting expectations of higher standards and giving us quick access to the path of least resistance. Living in the confines of Doubt’s shelter we avoid stressors and challenges that may well be the very spirit guides that show us the way to our true character. This avoidance may temporarily reduce anxiety but at the same time we may experience a parallel anxiety, one that is more, healthy coming from a voice within ourselves.  This voice comes from the deep self, that voice of authenticity calling at times to say, “You are so much more than you have ever dreamed you could be”.

FEAR

When considering the bio-chemical experiences of worry, doubt, and fear fear tends to be the most difficult to manage. This is due primarily to the extra large measures of adrenalin in the blood stream that accompany the feeling of fear. The feeling of these large quantities of adrenalin can be overwhelming and tends to push many of us towards a fear of fear. This fear relationship with fear tends to generate overwhelming quantities of adrenalin that may lead to panic attacks.

When we seek to govern rather than fear the visceral feeling of fear we have some semblance of choice surrounding how we might approach fear differently. Different approaches to relating with fear can go all the way from being overwhelmed by fear to the other end of the fear response continuum where individuals attempt to control fear.  These individuals learn the practice of using fear to serve them in the pursuit of various personal agendas like thrill seeking or designing early warning systems. In the case of early warning system design individuals who have lived with fear over prolonged time periods may  learn to normalize high adrenalin levels. These individuals learn to relate with the presence of fear in their life as a foregone conclusion. When individuals build a tolerance for fear driven adrenalin levels they learn to live in a state of hypervigilance. When hypervigilance is your normal it is not the presence of fear that concerns you but is rather the absence of fear. For example, some individuals who have been raised in homes where domestic violence is a daily event may normalize the state of hypervigilance. These individuals may then rely on these higher adrenalin levels to feel secure in their ability to protect themselves from threats. If the adrenalin and anxiety measures fall below the level of high alert then these individuals  may actually become more anxious when adrenalin levels decrease. These individuals may then pursue conflicts or seek other ways to increase anxiety raising their adrenalin levels back up to a place of high alert.

Whether we avoid fear or embrace it the prolonged presence of fear driven adrenalin levels will take a toll on the human condition. The body and soul were not designed to grow and thrive in the bordertowns of panic and dread. Healthy anxiety order will move more quickly in the direction of anxiety disorder when the mind and body are exposed to fear over prolonged time periods. Thus, it is best to solve fear problems quickly in order to keep our minds and bodies from prolonged exposure.