Discovery work based off the last 2 blogs on archetypes may help you determine if your relationship has the tendencies of a role couple vs. a real couple. While role couples tend to be unaware of hidden internal influences real couples have developed an awareness of that student in the cellar.
Role couples may often sense that they are not the captain of their relation – “ship”.
At times the role couple attempts with deliberation to plot their own course. Standing at the helm they turn the big wheel steering towards a new direction yet somehow a short time later they find themselves in that familiar shipping lane moving towards the same old horizon.
Real couples have discovered a new science. Hauling their relation- “ship” into dry dock they discover that their rudder is alarmingly misshapen.
“No wonder,” the partners exclaim to each other in unison. They go to work reshaping the ship’s rudder to their soul specifications, studying maps of the intimacy journey, learning the laws of self-regulation and self-growth, discovering the secrets to equality and balance, practicing the science of trust and the art of freedom, and increasing insight into the one North Star in relationships, change. Sometime later under the light of a new moon they set sail plotting a course as captain to captain and mate to mate. Standing at the helm they smile as they feel for the first time their own sea legs.
When turning the wheel the ship steers into the wind this time maintaining its course towards the new horizon.